My Boss

A hearty welcome to all of those coming in from The Bitchy Waiter! This post is going to be about my dumbass of a boss if you want to hear another story about him go ahead and click here.

So I didn't get fired, the next time I saw my boss he didn't say anything about the waffle batter incident. I did find out about a new juicy piece of drama in my restaurant which could effect my job.

SO the owner who lives in the hotel next door to the restaurant packed up and moved out, yup, he left in the middle of the night Saturday night and took his wife and kid with him. Somebody found a report for a UHaul in his name which said he would be going to Maryland. Yup, that's right, the dumbass moved halfway across the country because his wife was spending all of the hotel's money. 

I have heard that his father (who actually owns the place because he paid for it) came back yesterday but I have yet to go in to see if that has happened. I have also heard that the place has been sold and the paper work will be pushed through by the first of the year and we may want to start looking for new jobs. 

I actually don't know if I'm happy or sad about this happening, the owner was a douche, but now I have no job security what so ever, uh oh. Luckily I'm a 16 year old who still lives with my mom, so I don't really NEED a job but there are plenty of people who actually do need it and it sucks for them because we don't actually KNOW if we're getting fired. I'll try to keep y'all updated but nobody ever really tells me anything so....

On a lighter note Saturday is my birthday and I'll have a story for y'all then!!!

Soccer Teams

Is it too much to ask that large groups call ahead before they meander into a restaurant? Last Saturday there was a soccer tournament in town, none of us had any clue this was happening, including the scheduling manager who set us up for a normal Saturday night.
We had one team of 30 people call ahead and that was WONDERFUL because we had a lunch server stay the extra two hours and take care of it (yeah, she's pretty rockin') Then all at around the same time we had an 11 top, 19 top, 13 top and 10 top. I don't know of many restaurants that could accommodate that many big tables.
If you're at a soccer tournament don't assume that you're the only team that decided after a long day of scoring goals and what not, that it'd be a good idea to go to a restaurant. As soon as you walk through the door, everyone that works there will hate you for not calling ahead. It doesn't take too much time to look up the phone number of a restaurant, say 30 minutes to an hour in advance and say that you'd like to bring a group in.
It also seems that the parents of the team's kids are ALWAYS douchey. This isn't just for soccer, I've also noticed in for baseball parents. These parents are often in their late 30s to early 40s and think they're still 21 and can do whatever the fuck they want. They also need to realize that you are not going to get the same service as a 19 top that you would if you only had 4 people. The server who took you is probably already pretty full because of the other tables seeings how it's a SATURDAY but now he/she has to deal with your big asses. So be patient when you come in with a big top UNANNOUNCED and if you do have a big party coming in CALL AHEAD.

JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER, I WILL BE FEATURED ON THE BITCHY WAITER BLOG TOMORROW AT NOON 

EXCITING NEWS

I have just been informed that I have been selected to be a guest blogger for The Bitchy Waiter while the writer is on vacation. The post has already been on this blog buy I guess you'll have to check him out to see which one I chose, I can tell you that it's not the best one on here, IMO, but he liked it and it was the only one I submitted because the one I like doesn't meet his criteria.

YOU WILL BE ABLE TO VIEW IT ON SEPTEMBER 26, 2012 @ 12 NOON EASTERN STANDARD TIME

Please go and check out Bitchy's blog TODAY at www.thebitchywaiter.blogspot.com to see how awesome it is.--his blog inspired me to share my experiences in the service industry with all of you! 

I Might Be Getting Fired

So, management can be pretty sketchy in restaurants, luckily my GM and assistant manager are pretty cool, it's the owner that the we have to worry about. He owns/manages/lives in the hotel that is connected to the restaurant and he also owns the restaurant itself. He knows how to run a hotel fairly well but he has no clue as to how a restaurant works.
I walked in Sunday morning at 5:30. I was expecting to have my usual co-worker who to help me set up breakfast. I received a call from the owner at the hotel telling me that my co-worker had called in sick at 3am. I was forced to set up breakfast by myself, when this job is done with two people, we can get it done in 20-30 minutes, nobody was their to help me and didn't get it done until 6:07 (yup, I checked) I opened the breakfast doors and found nobody except my owner standing their eyeballing his watch, he said, "breakfast is to open at 6:00AM and no later," and walked off without saying anything else.
I was pissed at that comment but I went on working and made quite a bit of money, I then proceeded to tear down breakfast at 9:35 as stated on the sidework sheet. This job might take an hour or so with two people, more if there was a huge mess, and guess what, there was a huge mess. At 10:45 the owner came down to tell me that I was to take over my sick co-worker's lunch serving shift, great. I was in a hurry to get not only my breakfast sidework done but also the lunch prepwork. I had never changed the waffle batter because normally my co-worker does it and the waffle maker is still fairly new, I had to ask one of the lunch servers how to do it, I accidentally left the bucket that held the batter, out, the only batter left in it was on the sides.
Lunch was extremely busy and I didn't get cut until 4:30. I walked in to work expecting a 5 hour shift and walked out with 12 hours.
I was exhausted and got  home at around 5:15, I went right to sleep. I woke up at about 9:30 and saw that the owner called me at 7:20 and again at 9:28. I called  him back and he was pissed after he found out I left the bucket out instead of sending it to be washed, I don't understand why it's such a big deal, I always get comments from my coworkers and managers about how hard I work and how good it is that I do all of my sidework, all of the time. A lot of people will not even try to do some of the things on their sidework lists. He told me that he wanted to see me on  Friday, so we'll have to wait until then to see what happens, I'm expecting at least a write up (never gotten one) but if I get fired I will be PISSED.

Your Meal Doesn't Come With Toothpicks

When you pay for your meal you're paying for a lot of things; food cost, salaries, rent, and whatever else goes into the fucking price of a 9 dollar and 29 cent burger. One thing that is not included in that price is a toothpick.
There has been an overwhelming amount of people lately who expect the restaurant to have toothpicks for them. I understand that a lot of places have toothpicks and that's cool  but a lot of places also have pasta, we don't. It's just like ordering something that isn't on the menu. I don't understand why so many people look at me with utter disgust when I tell them that we don't have any toothpicks.
There's a table by the door with a place to drop business cards for a random drawing or some shit and a basket of mints, yes it would be easy to put toothpicks here but we don't so fuck off. Asking me if we have toothpicks isn't going to make them magically appear. Do you think I keep a supply of toothpicks in my ass specifically for people who ask for toothpicks? No, I don't.
It's not like I just told you I killed your fucking dog, you don't have to scowl at me as if I just ruined your entire fucking life because MY MANAGER doesn't keep toothpicks in the front.
What do you really NEED toothpicks for anyway? You stick them in your mouth to look cool and tough, but you just look like a douche, and if you are trying to pick something out of your teeth, floss that shit, it works way better than jamming a piece of wood in between your teeth.

Bitch from the Inside

There's a strange relationship between the servers and the hosts. A lot of the time, a server will think that a host is their bitch and make them do all their stupid work like carry out food to a bitch table or just do a little bit of something for them. They also tip the host out at the end of the night for making the host run their ass off. 

I understand the system and it's all fine and dandy when executed properly. At a lot of restaurants the tipouts automatically come out of the servers tips and are included in the hosts' cashout. At my restaurant, this isn't the case. It's actually a better thing, I believe because I've heard hosts from other places say they only get a couple dollars a night when some nights I could walk with $50 if everybody did well. Normally everybody tips me out and if they walk out and forget they'll remember next time we work together and make up for it, it's just how it goes. Except for this one bitch...

This bitch was horrendous. She was the lazy bitch I'd ever seen. She always tried to pawn her sidework off on me claiming she'd "take care of me," I fell for it a few times, but then I worked up the courage to say no. She would  never prebus her tables, and I mean NEVER. There would ALWAYS be multiple entree plates and a lot of the time, there would even be some appetizer plates sitting on the table. Seeings as we have no bussers, the host was responsible for WIPING OFF and resetting the tables, I'd always take the glasses back or some leftover trash and a lot of the time I would take back entree plates. But this bitch never cleared her tables. It would be a busy Fiday nigh and I'd be responsible for being up front and seating people and she will have all four of her tables with shit on it and then come up and bitch at me because she has no open tables. I tell her if she prebusses them, ten she'll have open tables. She still doesn't do that and I end up doing it because when shit sits around on a table it just looks tacky. This bitch would always zoom out of the place right after being cut [phased] and not tip out anybody, when somebody stopped her and asked for a tipout she'd give them the MINIMUM $2 even if she had multiple big parties in which gratuity was added. 

Just so you know I'm not over reacting, this bitch got fired last week for being such a lazy ass, do I feel bad? No, she was given plenty of warnings and write ups but she just didn't even try. She should have been fired a long time ago.

My Food Was Gross

I actually forgot about something that happened a few weeks ago to me and I wanted to share it.

We had a very busy lunch and there was a lot of cleaning to do. I, as the host at a place which recently got rid of its busboys, had around a trillion tables to clean, I was supposed to have a break at 2 and not come back until 5, mind you. A couple came in right at 4 which is when the servers, bartenders and managers all switch shifts to prepare for the night. There were very few clean tables and I sat them at one and told the server that she had the table per normal. She told me she was busy and asked me to get their drinks, I said yes because I'm that nice of a person. They wanted two Bud Lights, since I have a slight case of being underage, I'm not allowed to carry alcoholic beverages so I told the server what they wanted and she rung them in and everyone was happy. As I was walking back from telling her and started cleaning off a table next to this couple the lady turned around and said, "Where are our goddamn drinks?" 

I pointed over to the bar and said in the sweetest voice I could muster after being so rudely talked to, "The bartender is pouring them right now and your server, [server's name] will bring them right out to you." :-)

She then said, "well if it's gonna take this long we might as well order now, I'll take a [insanely large dish] and he'll have a [small appetizer,]" Please refer to my previous post and my post about ordering from a host to see what's wrong with that.

"Alright ma'am I'll tell YOUR SERVER to put that in for you, your drinks will be out shortly."

I told the server, she put it in within seconds of me leaving the table and the bitch flags me down again about five minutes later.

"We're ready for our food now."

"Ma'am, your food is not ready yet but I'd be happy to-"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! WE'VE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR EVER!"

"I'm sorry you believe that ma'am but I cannot have the kitchen send out raw food" (yup, I was fed up with that bitch and I wanted to go lay down in the big booth at the corner of the restaurant for a little bit.)

"Let me see a manager"
"Ma'am, your server is the manager," (true shit, the MOD also takes tables unless the GM is the MOD.)

"oh, y'all must be understaffed tonight, you should do better about that" (yes we are going to have 5 servers on to sit there and stare at each other before 5 o'clock.) I walked away.

I went on and finished cleaning tables and was on my way to clock out and take a power nap for a few minutes but I saw that her plate was empty and I decided to be nice and pick it up. (my mistake) 

"My food was gross"<-------Most overused joke at a restaurant

jokingly "haha, I'm sorry you felt that way"

"that isn't funny, this food was uneatable"

"excuse me?" (I really want to get to my booth)

"I run [our competitor down the street which had closed the day before this event occurred] and I know what a [insanely large dish that the other place didn't have] should taste like"

I told her I would get a manager [I didn't tell the GM who was now clocked in] and  I proceeded to go lay (lie?) down in my booth, without clocking out, for 5 minutes.

Just another day at my restaurant. 

ALSO: I did think of another event that happened dealing with a "fellow" co-worker and that story will be posted soon. Until then y'all!

Another Lame Excuse

So it's the day after getting I was supposed to get my car and, whaddayaknow, I don't have it. Basically, I got a loan from a credit union halfway across the country and the dealership doesn't know what the fuck they're doing and they don't know how to accept it or some shit like that, bottom line, after numerous emails, 7 phone calls, and 6 faxes, I MIGHT be able to pick up my car on Thursday.
On top of all of this I haven't worked a weekend for the last 3 weeks because I was doing shit and I won't be able to do next weekend either, UGH. The weekend is basically when all the good shit happens so I have no material to post.
I suppose one thing I could tell y'all is to be nice to your service staff. Most importantly, don't interrupt them in the middle of a question. When I'm in the middle of asking how many are in you're party and you say, "2," before I even have the chance to say "Many..." there's a problem. This also happens when I walk up and ask how everybody is doing, "Coke," is not an acceptable answer (especially since we have Pepsi, but you can't read the first or last page of the menu to find that out.) So yeah, don't give an answer if you haven't been asked a question. Other than that, there may be a quality post coming sometime next weekish, I work tomorrow night, Thursday Morning (7-2ish, FUCK) and Sunday morning (7-10:30ish.)
I will be starting school on the 22nd but that means that I'll be working weekends more often so I'll have more interesting stuff then. Until then y'all!

Not Dead Yet

Don't worry your pretty little heads off y'all, I ain't dead yet.
It's the typical shpeel(?) I got busy, yadda, yadda, yadda, calm yourself, I know all 2 of you were so worried.
Posting will resume sometime after August 6th, when I get my car (whoop, whoop!) Right now, I need to go to my granny's house, if you need some good (and better written) material please head on over to my favorite blogs:
The Bitchy Waiter
Fuck My Table
Meet Me in Medias Res

Go Ahead, Seat Yourself

What is with people who can't comprehend what a host does. From my last post about taking orders you would think people would have gotten the picture (because everybody in the world reads this blog.) I am standing up front to do one job, and one job only, take you and your lovely party to their seat (that is not my only job at all, I will have to explain that in a later post.)
I don't understand how people can walk into a restaurant, not have the ability to read the sign that says "Please Wait to Be Seated," not realize what the attractive guy standing behind the sign is there for, and sit wherever the fuck they want.

Just so you understand how annoying it is I'll tell you. At restaurants we have this thing called a rotation, this ensures each server has enough tables, but they don't get an overwhelming amount. I work very hard to make sure the rotation is right, when you go sit wherever you want you totally break the rotation and that server hates me when I tell them they just got double sat. Most of the time at my place (since we aren't corporate, and we don't have retarded managers) we just let you sit there without a menu and without a server, it's fun to watch you look like a dumbass and then say "do I even have a waitress."
I then say, "Oh I'm so sorry sir, I just thought that since you didn't wait to be seated you were going to the bar or joining a party"
I also have people who will watch me seat somebody and then go seat themselves, like what the fuck?
These people then say something like "Oh we just sat wherever, HAHA" No, stupid bitch, you just sat yourself into hell.

I Can't Take Your Order

At this point in time, I would like to let everybody in the world know that the host is not the person who takes your order. I don't know why people think that I stand up at the front but I also have tables that I'm taking care of. It's just dumb.
This is normally what happens:
*Door Opens*
ME: Hello, how are you do-
YOU: Three *Holds fingers up*
(where have we seen this before?)
ME: (demeanor immediately becomes slightly less pleasant) Alright it will be right this way *Brings you to table* Alright so will-
YOU: Can we get a booth
ME: Sir, there are currently no booths available if you'd like I ca-
YOU: I guess this will be fine, I'll have a Bud Light...


So yeah, I now have to get everybody's drink order at the table then I have to stop the server before they get to your table so you don't look at them like they're a complete idiot. I then have to get your drinks while I probably have people waiting at the front. I have to tell the server what you got so they can ring it in and I bring out your non-alcoholic drinks. You then look at me like I'm a dumbass and forgot your booze before I have a chance to tell you it's coming from the bar and YOUR SERVER will bring it out to you (even if it was ready, I can't legally bring it out to you because I'm underage)
A lot of the time, the server is the only person who can ring in your stuff because a host doesn't have a screen to order stuff or transfer tabs. Please don't order something from the person who seats you unless they prompt you.
What also goes along with that is, I don't take your payment. I don't know why a lot of people thrust their cards at me while I'm walking people to a table or why they come up to the host stand two seconds after they put their card in their book and ask if they pay me.
Do you see a fucking register up here? No. Do you see a credit card swipe up here? No. Again, a host doesn't have some magic power to tap into a server's open tables and make a payment, most of the time, only a manager can do that, sometimes the bartender. 
Morale of the story, order from your server, pay your server, follow the host, and be a better customer.

Choose Your Channel at Home

I don't know what it is about people. They are just so demanding sometimes. Why do so many people go into a restaurant and demand that somebody change the channel so they can watch a certain show/sporting event.
You wouldn't go over to your friends house and demand that they change the channel for you, would you? So why would you do it to somebody that you don't even know?
Changing the TV in a restaurant is not easy, most of the time, somebody has to go all the way to the back  and find a remote. They then have look up what channel a certain game is on and then they have to find the paper with the list of channels on it and then they have to change the channel. Even changing the channel can be difficult, when there are multiple TV's in a restaurant (mine has 11) there's going to be a huge stack of receivers which may or may not be properly labeled. I have to find the right receiver for the TV, then cover up all of the other receivers and then I can start pushing the buttons, but I don't know if it I pressed the buttons all the way because I don't have a screen to show me what I'm doing, I just kind of hope for the best.
Here's a few tips when asking for a channel to be changed:

• Don't ask somebody to change the channel to "the game." This is very annoying because there are about a hundred different ESPN's, Fox Sports Nets, and whatever else and there is a game on, I can't read minds and say which one you want. Tell me that you would like to see the Raiders game (that way I know you're a complete idiot) 
• Don't demand it to be done, it can take 5-10 minutes to change a channel and that sometimes just can't be done during rush periods, also, some restaurants have the receivers locked away in a closet in the manager's office and they won't be able to get in
• Don't ask for it to be changed to cartoons for your kid, the History Channel for a documentary on the Apocalypse or, E! so you can keep up with the freaking Kardashians because this is not your living room, we have a certain clientele that we cater to, and that clientele wants to watch Sports.

Booths are for 4 People

There are six words that every host hears on a daily basis "Do You have any booths available."

These words suck to hear. They tell me a lot about you.
It let's me know that you're going to want lemon in your water (which implies a lot of other stuff about you)
And that you want things your way and you will probably try to kill me if they don't go your way.
And finally, that you're a rude person, I know that because the conversation will normally go like this:

*Opens Door*
ME: Hello, how are you all doin-
DOUCHE (you): Four, for a booth douchefully holding up the number four on your hand
ME: in my head fucking, rude ass mother fuckin...

Unfortunately for you, every other person in the metropolitan area decided that they would, also, like a booth. But I can assure you that the food will taste the same no matter where you sit.
I understand that booths are all cushy and comfortable and stuff, but that's also what your couch is for, if you like to eat on a couch you can go home.

The number of people who try to fit more than 4 people in a booth never ceases to amaze me. I just don't understand people who walk in and are like "7, for a booth" never mind that you walked in with a party of 6 or more without a reservation but you are also demanding a four person booth? I know some restaurants do have those big round booths but if you take two seconds to look around you will notice that we don't have those. So your big party ass is going to have to sit at a table because you have too many fucking people.

One more thing before I bid farewell, what is with the person who insists on sitting in the inside but then has to get up every 5 minutes, seriously, why do you have friends? I am friends with a person who does this and I want to cry every time we go out to eat. *End Side Rant*

To Go Troubles

I'm back y'all!! I left my boring cow town to go to LA for a little while but now I'm back. I was excited to see my 2 pageviews while I was away. That's amazing! (Yeah, I'm pretty pathetic.) Today I would like to discuss a To Go's a little bit.

I would like to preface this discussion by saying that I absolutely HATE ToGo's. I work at a smallish restaurant and we have a couple of ToGo orders a night and they are taken by either the bartender or the host. As soon as I get done saying, "Hello, [insert restaurant name here][insert street name here] this is 'From The Sidestand,' How may I help you?" And I hear that it's a To Go I melt a little bit inside.
A lot of people don't realize that their phones suck because they're calling from a basement or something because I can never understand them. And then of course NOBODY establishes what they want to get before they call in so I'm forced to listen to stupid conversations where I'm not sure who you're talking to. And I'm just writing this stuff down and I will later go ring it up, but a lot of the time I have to put the phone down and go back because you wanted to know the price, while I understand why you would want to know, it's pretty annoying for me.
Let's not forget that I'm doing all of this while I have people angrily waiting in line while I'm chatting on the phone with you.
When your food is up I neatly place it in the box and put in the extra ranch you requested, I also give you some plastic utensils, salt and pepper. I mark the boxes so you know which well done burger is which.
When you arrive 10 minutes after I said you should, I'm normally in the middle of doing something but I make time for you because I'm just that prompt. I hand you the receipt and you hand me a credit card. (Good thing I ran back to see how much it was if you're just going to give me a card.) I then give you the receipt to sign and when you put that dash through the tip line I instantly start to cry.
Your annoying ass was in the back of my mind for a good half hour and you didn't tip me. I even wrote "enjoy :-)" on your fucking boxes because I'm so fucking awesome.
Even if you don't think I did enough to warrant a tip, I still NEED one.
You see, your To Go becomes a part of my sales and the United States Government automatically assumes that anyone in a restaurant who has sales must be getting a tip. They assume that I'm getting 10% and tax me as if I got a 10% tip whether you gave it to me or not.
That means if you had a $50 order and didn't tip, the government thinks I made 5 more dollars than I actually did, that shit adds up too. It's basically like saying, if you are claiming you made 1,000 more dollars then you'd have to pay higher taxes, higher taxes equals less money in my pocket.
Bottom line-Tip AT LEAST 10% on ToGo's

The Breakfast Bitch at Table 208

I would like to take this post and dedicate it to the stupid ass, floral dress wearin', bitch that was at Table 208 during breakfast last Sunday (I have been recovering from a 49 hour week and haven't been awake long enough to post.)
First off hun, you need to learn how to read-that will be the common theme throughout this post.
When you walked in at 9:00 for a continental hotel breakfast you should expect things to be busy. You shouldn't expect someone to seat your ass. I looked at you stand at the front stand for a good 5 minutes before I was forced to walk past you and you asked me where the host was. I pointed out the sign that said please enjoy the buffet and sit wherever you'd like. You then sat at the one table that was dirty when there were three empty clean tables. You then made me stop what I was doing and spray off your table because you had already "picked that one out."
You then asked me if we made omelets. I kindly replied that we only do them Monday-Friday because we aren't a fucking Embassy Suites and we don't have enough people to make omelets on the weekends. You then kept complaining to me about it so then I got my manager out who argued with you again until he finally gave in. I then had to go beg the cook, who barely speaks English, to kindly make you your stupid omelet. Oh yeah, and your request for dark cheddar cheese and shredded swiss was absolutely ridiculous. You also requested broccoli which we don't have out for breakfast. If you had read the omelet ingredient choices menu (which also stated that they were only available Monday-Friday) you would know what you could get on it.
When I brought your omelet out and you replied "about time," I really wanted to punch you. When you told me that the table needed to be wiped down *again* I went back and started making plans about how I would kill you.
When I finished wiping off your table and you demanded hot water, I went back and got it for you even though you were already pissing me off. 
After I brought back the water and you told me, "I'm gonna need some butter" I had, had enough of you. I pointed you to the mini fridge which has a sign that says "The fridge contains: Milk, cream cheese, yogurt and butter, please help yourself." I knew you weren't going to tip me because that would be too nice and you would probably burn if you did something nice for someone. 
I was flabbergasted when you demanded to speak to the OWNER of the hotel because I was so rude to you and you wanted to get me fired. I woke him up from his room and brought him over so he could talk to you, unfortunately, the owner has already heard complaints about you from the front desk and he knows that I'm an excellent worker, it was probably a plus for me when a regular guest told the owner, "that is one crazy bitch, please don't pay any attention to her comment."
You made me want to go in the corner and cry, I hated you that much. Our FREE breakfast is the best one in town because it actually has hot food, I don't need you complaining when I also had a million other things to do. 
I would like to thank you however, because the owner said that I could go home and I would be getting paid  5 extra hours on top of what my shift was supposed to be, that's right bitch, I just got paid 40 bucks to deal with your ass, unfortunately that $40 really wasn't worth it and I would never do it again. 
I feel sorry because I can tell you're the type of person who likes to complain about everything that anybody tries to do for you.

A Restaurant Is Like A Hospital

Now before I get a lot of hate from my 0 readers I realize the huge difference between a hospital and a restaurant, we as members of the service industry don't save any lives whatsoever but the basic idea of them is the same. I've been watching a lot of Scrubs lately so I clearly know everything there is to know about how a hospital works so let's just get started:

The bus boys and dishwashers are just like the janitor of the hospital. They are responsible for keeping things clean. They seem like they have a small role but really the place would look like a huge mess if it weren't for them.

A host is sort of like a nurse. They are typically considered to be lower people but are actually very important. They don't get nearly enough credit even though they have to do a lot of things for the doctors/servers. They are always blamed when something goes wrong. They are generally considered to be "under" everybody who is on the floor. Patients/customers often assume we have more power than we do and believe we should do more for them than we can.

The serves at are very much like the interns and residents. They are very smart and they're the people that the customers/patients see the most. They are often unappreciated and pissed on by the people they are trying to be helping. They always get the grunt from the higher-ups no matter how good of a job they do.

An attending is similar to a good manager (yes they actually do exist.) They have some more power than the servers and customers/patients demand to see them thinking they can remedy the situation when really they just give them what they want, which is what somebody lower down can't give them. Good managers really want to try to improve the restaurant but are always held back by the person that is over them.

The Chief of medicine is the top of the chain much like the owner. The only difference is that the owner is hardly ever seen. The Chief of Medicine/Owner is always concerned about money. They often have a pretentious wife who orders around the staff (more on that in a different post.) Bottom line, nobody that works there likes them but without them, there would be no facility.









So yup, that's my comparison on restaurants to hospitals (at least the way they're portrayed in Scrubs.)
Oh yeah, and it took me over 2 hours to write this because I was watching Scrubs on Netflix...

Stupid Parent

So yeah, it's pretty much impossible to have a blog dealing with a restaurant and not mention something about how annoying children are. Let me make this clear; I don't dislike the kids, it's the PARENTS that I really have a problem with, you really can't help how you're being raised. Parents will let their kids make a mess out of a restaurant and then leave a minimal tip. What may be worse than that is when parents allow their children to run around the restaurant by themselves. Kids are short, when I'm carrying a huge tray, I will have a hard time seeing them, while I've never run over a kid, I could see it easily happening. Anyway, I really wanted to talk about the experience I had with a child today.
I was working the breakfast shift this morning, I got my ass to work at 5:30 and opened at 6:05 (don't tell my boss.) I close that shit down right at 9:30. I had this bitch walk in at 9:45 dragging her bratty ass children down demanding breakfast. Since I was lazy and didn't but anything away yet, and because I'm such a wonderful individual, I let them in. Now she was dragging this kid who had to be at least 5 or 6 who was SCREAMING. And I don't mean just a little whining I mean, I went to the cooler in the back and still heard that monster. It was crazy, I just wanted to crawl up in a corner and sleep. I was completely done with that bitch after she complained that we didn't have any bacon. First of all we had sausage instead of bacon that day, we only have one or the other because it's a free fucking breakfast. Second of all, she showed up 15 minutes after it closed so she shouldn't be expecting anything. We also ran out of cranberry juice so I graciously got her some more because I'm so freaking nice, (and the bar would need it for drinks and such anyway.) But who the fuck drinks cranberry juice, especially when you're not 101 years old? The best part about this bitch was that she named her kid Thomas, not as in the Tank Engine but TOEmas as in, the kind of name you would expect of a fashion designer. Who would to that to a child?
Yup, that's just one of the many parents who feel entitled because they feel as though they were the first woman on the planet to ever push a baby through their vagina. (I suspect this demon child was birthed through a cesarean because that's what pretentious mothers do right?)

Right Side

Is it really that abnormal that I want to walk on the right side when I'm at my restaurant. I live in the midwest so I know that nobody is confusing this place with England thinking that we walk on the fucking left side. I have to do a lot of laps around the restaurant telling servers that they have a new table, taking people to tables and cleaning up, and taking crap to the back to get washed. So yeah, I have a lot of experience walking. Unfortunately people think it's alright to walk straight down the middle of the walkway; it really makes me wonder whether or not people realize that the wait staff actually has stuff to do. This stuff helps the dumb as fuck customers get their food in a timely manner so we don't have to hear the constant complaining that their food is taking ''HOURS.''
And as if it weren't enough to walk on the wrong side, people have the nerve to move at a pace that would make the tortoise win the race without a rabbit stopping to take a nap. (Yes, I realize that was the worst metaphor/simile/clusterfuck ever.) Not only do I have to adjust my pathway and look like in idiot even though I'm in the right, I have to deal with somebody who thinks that they're taking a stroll through the dandelions.
So to all you customers out there please learn that here in the US of A we walk on the right side. It's called the right because that's the correct side to walk on. Not the left, not the middle. Thank you.
Can I get an Amen?

Props to the iPad

So a lot of people come in with children. It's no secret that in the restaurant industry that almost everybody hates children. My place is something just above a Sport's Bar and we don't get too many kids. When we do get kids we instantly hate them when they start running around, screaming and crying, it's a fucking sport's bar for crying out loud, nobody wants to deal with a kid. Anyway, it's always awesome when the parent brings something to occupy the kid (we don't have a kid's menu because we really don't like kids) a lot of people bring in their iPads.
I'm all for the iPad and stuff cause it keeps the kid in their seat and quiet. Most people have some sort of case thing that will prop the thing up so the child can see it. One couple came in with a kid and an iPad and they didn't  have a case or anything to prop it up. Understandably, they didn't want to just put it on the table (I wouldn't want to put a $500 dollar device on a table that I probably didn't bother to clean.) They opted to take out the specials menu, ketchup, and sugar caddie and put their iPad on the little catty thing (I know they have a name but I have no clue what it is). So if you need a ghetto solution for something to prop up your iPad please go ahead and use that. I'm sure it works wonders and won't crack your screen at all.

One is Enough

So I work as a host in a restaurant. No, I don't give blow jobs by the dumpster (S/O to The Bitchy Waiter) and I'm not a complete idiot, I just don't have the patience to be a server to stupid ass people. It's bad enough seeing them at the front door. I live in a place that is not known for it's black population, frankly because there isn't one. People will act pretty ghetto though sometimes.
I was working the lunch shift yesterday and this lady came in with about a million kids, okay it was four, but still. She insisted on having only one menu. One menu for 5 girls to share. I told her that I wouldn't be any trouble to get her a few more menus but she insisted. I was fine with that, I really could care less. I then saw that why she had only gotten one menu. She got to cups of pop for the table to share, that's right, 5 girls were sharing 2 glasses of pop. She then proceeded to order one appetizer for the entire table and that was the meal, they got up and went wherever.
Now I have no problem with this, less food means less crap that kids throw on the floor and the less I have to pick up. This lady seemed to be a good parent, the kids seemed to really respect her. I just find it pretty "budgety" (fancy non-word for ghetto) to order two pops and an appetizer for 5 people. No complaints, just an observation.