Booths are for 4 People

There are six words that every host hears on a daily basis "Do You have any booths available."

These words suck to hear. They tell me a lot about you.
It let's me know that you're going to want lemon in your water (which implies a lot of other stuff about you)
And that you want things your way and you will probably try to kill me if they don't go your way.
And finally, that you're a rude person, I know that because the conversation will normally go like this:

*Opens Door*
ME: Hello, how are you all doin-
DOUCHE (you): Four, for a booth douchefully holding up the number four on your hand
ME: in my head fucking, rude ass mother fuckin...

Unfortunately for you, every other person in the metropolitan area decided that they would, also, like a booth. But I can assure you that the food will taste the same no matter where you sit.
I understand that booths are all cushy and comfortable and stuff, but that's also what your couch is for, if you like to eat on a couch you can go home.

The number of people who try to fit more than 4 people in a booth never ceases to amaze me. I just don't understand people who walk in and are like "7, for a booth" never mind that you walked in with a party of 6 or more without a reservation but you are also demanding a four person booth? I know some restaurants do have those big round booths but if you take two seconds to look around you will notice that we don't have those. So your big party ass is going to have to sit at a table because you have too many fucking people.

One more thing before I bid farewell, what is with the person who insists on sitting in the inside but then has to get up every 5 minutes, seriously, why do you have friends? I am friends with a person who does this and I want to cry every time we go out to eat. *End Side Rant*

Right Side

Is it really that abnormal that I want to walk on the right side when I'm at my restaurant. I live in the midwest so I know that nobody is confusing this place with England thinking that we walk on the fucking left side. I have to do a lot of laps around the restaurant telling servers that they have a new table, taking people to tables and cleaning up, and taking crap to the back to get washed. So yeah, I have a lot of experience walking. Unfortunately people think it's alright to walk straight down the middle of the walkway; it really makes me wonder whether or not people realize that the wait staff actually has stuff to do. This stuff helps the dumb as fuck customers get their food in a timely manner so we don't have to hear the constant complaining that their food is taking ''HOURS.''
And as if it weren't enough to walk on the wrong side, people have the nerve to move at a pace that would make the tortoise win the race without a rabbit stopping to take a nap. (Yes, I realize that was the worst metaphor/simile/clusterfuck ever.) Not only do I have to adjust my pathway and look like in idiot even though I'm in the right, I have to deal with somebody who thinks that they're taking a stroll through the dandelions.
So to all you customers out there please learn that here in the US of A we walk on the right side. It's called the right because that's the correct side to walk on. Not the left, not the middle. Thank you.
Can I get an Amen?