The Breakfast Bitch at Table 208

I would like to take this post and dedicate it to the stupid ass, floral dress wearin', bitch that was at Table 208 during breakfast last Sunday (I have been recovering from a 49 hour week and haven't been awake long enough to post.)
First off hun, you need to learn how to read-that will be the common theme throughout this post.
When you walked in at 9:00 for a continental hotel breakfast you should expect things to be busy. You shouldn't expect someone to seat your ass. I looked at you stand at the front stand for a good 5 minutes before I was forced to walk past you and you asked me where the host was. I pointed out the sign that said please enjoy the buffet and sit wherever you'd like. You then sat at the one table that was dirty when there were three empty clean tables. You then made me stop what I was doing and spray off your table because you had already "picked that one out."
You then asked me if we made omelets. I kindly replied that we only do them Monday-Friday because we aren't a fucking Embassy Suites and we don't have enough people to make omelets on the weekends. You then kept complaining to me about it so then I got my manager out who argued with you again until he finally gave in. I then had to go beg the cook, who barely speaks English, to kindly make you your stupid omelet. Oh yeah, and your request for dark cheddar cheese and shredded swiss was absolutely ridiculous. You also requested broccoli which we don't have out for breakfast. If you had read the omelet ingredient choices menu (which also stated that they were only available Monday-Friday) you would know what you could get on it.
When I brought your omelet out and you replied "about time," I really wanted to punch you. When you told me that the table needed to be wiped down *again* I went back and started making plans about how I would kill you.
When I finished wiping off your table and you demanded hot water, I went back and got it for you even though you were already pissing me off. 
After I brought back the water and you told me, "I'm gonna need some butter" I had, had enough of you. I pointed you to the mini fridge which has a sign that says "The fridge contains: Milk, cream cheese, yogurt and butter, please help yourself." I knew you weren't going to tip me because that would be too nice and you would probably burn if you did something nice for someone. 
I was flabbergasted when you demanded to speak to the OWNER of the hotel because I was so rude to you and you wanted to get me fired. I woke him up from his room and brought him over so he could talk to you, unfortunately, the owner has already heard complaints about you from the front desk and he knows that I'm an excellent worker, it was probably a plus for me when a regular guest told the owner, "that is one crazy bitch, please don't pay any attention to her comment."
You made me want to go in the corner and cry, I hated you that much. Our FREE breakfast is the best one in town because it actually has hot food, I don't need you complaining when I also had a million other things to do. 
I would like to thank you however, because the owner said that I could go home and I would be getting paid  5 extra hours on top of what my shift was supposed to be, that's right bitch, I just got paid 40 bucks to deal with your ass, unfortunately that $40 really wasn't worth it and I would never do it again. 
I feel sorry because I can tell you're the type of person who likes to complain about everything that anybody tries to do for you.

A Restaurant Is Like A Hospital

Now before I get a lot of hate from my 0 readers I realize the huge difference between a hospital and a restaurant, we as members of the service industry don't save any lives whatsoever but the basic idea of them is the same. I've been watching a lot of Scrubs lately so I clearly know everything there is to know about how a hospital works so let's just get started:

The bus boys and dishwashers are just like the janitor of the hospital. They are responsible for keeping things clean. They seem like they have a small role but really the place would look like a huge mess if it weren't for them.

A host is sort of like a nurse. They are typically considered to be lower people but are actually very important. They don't get nearly enough credit even though they have to do a lot of things for the doctors/servers. They are always blamed when something goes wrong. They are generally considered to be "under" everybody who is on the floor. Patients/customers often assume we have more power than we do and believe we should do more for them than we can.

The serves at are very much like the interns and residents. They are very smart and they're the people that the customers/patients see the most. They are often unappreciated and pissed on by the people they are trying to be helping. They always get the grunt from the higher-ups no matter how good of a job they do.

An attending is similar to a good manager (yes they actually do exist.) They have some more power than the servers and customers/patients demand to see them thinking they can remedy the situation when really they just give them what they want, which is what somebody lower down can't give them. Good managers really want to try to improve the restaurant but are always held back by the person that is over them.

The Chief of medicine is the top of the chain much like the owner. The only difference is that the owner is hardly ever seen. The Chief of Medicine/Owner is always concerned about money. They often have a pretentious wife who orders around the staff (more on that in a different post.) Bottom line, nobody that works there likes them but without them, there would be no facility.









So yup, that's my comparison on restaurants to hospitals (at least the way they're portrayed in Scrubs.)
Oh yeah, and it took me over 2 hours to write this because I was watching Scrubs on Netflix...

Stupid Parent

So yeah, it's pretty much impossible to have a blog dealing with a restaurant and not mention something about how annoying children are. Let me make this clear; I don't dislike the kids, it's the PARENTS that I really have a problem with, you really can't help how you're being raised. Parents will let their kids make a mess out of a restaurant and then leave a minimal tip. What may be worse than that is when parents allow their children to run around the restaurant by themselves. Kids are short, when I'm carrying a huge tray, I will have a hard time seeing them, while I've never run over a kid, I could see it easily happening. Anyway, I really wanted to talk about the experience I had with a child today.
I was working the breakfast shift this morning, I got my ass to work at 5:30 and opened at 6:05 (don't tell my boss.) I close that shit down right at 9:30. I had this bitch walk in at 9:45 dragging her bratty ass children down demanding breakfast. Since I was lazy and didn't but anything away yet, and because I'm such a wonderful individual, I let them in. Now she was dragging this kid who had to be at least 5 or 6 who was SCREAMING. And I don't mean just a little whining I mean, I went to the cooler in the back and still heard that monster. It was crazy, I just wanted to crawl up in a corner and sleep. I was completely done with that bitch after she complained that we didn't have any bacon. First of all we had sausage instead of bacon that day, we only have one or the other because it's a free fucking breakfast. Second of all, she showed up 15 minutes after it closed so she shouldn't be expecting anything. We also ran out of cranberry juice so I graciously got her some more because I'm so freaking nice, (and the bar would need it for drinks and such anyway.) But who the fuck drinks cranberry juice, especially when you're not 101 years old? The best part about this bitch was that she named her kid Thomas, not as in the Tank Engine but TOEmas as in, the kind of name you would expect of a fashion designer. Who would to that to a child?
Yup, that's just one of the many parents who feel entitled because they feel as though they were the first woman on the planet to ever push a baby through their vagina. (I suspect this demon child was birthed through a cesarean because that's what pretentious mothers do right?)

Right Side

Is it really that abnormal that I want to walk on the right side when I'm at my restaurant. I live in the midwest so I know that nobody is confusing this place with England thinking that we walk on the fucking left side. I have to do a lot of laps around the restaurant telling servers that they have a new table, taking people to tables and cleaning up, and taking crap to the back to get washed. So yeah, I have a lot of experience walking. Unfortunately people think it's alright to walk straight down the middle of the walkway; it really makes me wonder whether or not people realize that the wait staff actually has stuff to do. This stuff helps the dumb as fuck customers get their food in a timely manner so we don't have to hear the constant complaining that their food is taking ''HOURS.''
And as if it weren't enough to walk on the wrong side, people have the nerve to move at a pace that would make the tortoise win the race without a rabbit stopping to take a nap. (Yes, I realize that was the worst metaphor/simile/clusterfuck ever.) Not only do I have to adjust my pathway and look like in idiot even though I'm in the right, I have to deal with somebody who thinks that they're taking a stroll through the dandelions.
So to all you customers out there please learn that here in the US of A we walk on the right side. It's called the right because that's the correct side to walk on. Not the left, not the middle. Thank you.
Can I get an Amen?

Props to the iPad

So a lot of people come in with children. It's no secret that in the restaurant industry that almost everybody hates children. My place is something just above a Sport's Bar and we don't get too many kids. When we do get kids we instantly hate them when they start running around, screaming and crying, it's a fucking sport's bar for crying out loud, nobody wants to deal with a kid. Anyway, it's always awesome when the parent brings something to occupy the kid (we don't have a kid's menu because we really don't like kids) a lot of people bring in their iPads.
I'm all for the iPad and stuff cause it keeps the kid in their seat and quiet. Most people have some sort of case thing that will prop the thing up so the child can see it. One couple came in with a kid and an iPad and they didn't  have a case or anything to prop it up. Understandably, they didn't want to just put it on the table (I wouldn't want to put a $500 dollar device on a table that I probably didn't bother to clean.) They opted to take out the specials menu, ketchup, and sugar caddie and put their iPad on the little catty thing (I know they have a name but I have no clue what it is). So if you need a ghetto solution for something to prop up your iPad please go ahead and use that. I'm sure it works wonders and won't crack your screen at all.

One is Enough

So I work as a host in a restaurant. No, I don't give blow jobs by the dumpster (S/O to The Bitchy Waiter) and I'm not a complete idiot, I just don't have the patience to be a server to stupid ass people. It's bad enough seeing them at the front door. I live in a place that is not known for it's black population, frankly because there isn't one. People will act pretty ghetto though sometimes.
I was working the lunch shift yesterday and this lady came in with about a million kids, okay it was four, but still. She insisted on having only one menu. One menu for 5 girls to share. I told her that I wouldn't be any trouble to get her a few more menus but she insisted. I was fine with that, I really could care less. I then saw that why she had only gotten one menu. She got to cups of pop for the table to share, that's right, 5 girls were sharing 2 glasses of pop. She then proceeded to order one appetizer for the entire table and that was the meal, they got up and went wherever.
Now I have no problem with this, less food means less crap that kids throw on the floor and the less I have to pick up. This lady seemed to be a good parent, the kids seemed to really respect her. I just find it pretty "budgety" (fancy non-word for ghetto) to order two pops and an appetizer for 5 people. No complaints, just an observation.