I Can't Take Your Order

At this point in time, I would like to let everybody in the world know that the host is not the person who takes your order. I don't know why people think that I stand up at the front but I also have tables that I'm taking care of. It's just dumb.
This is normally what happens:
*Door Opens*
ME: Hello, how are you do-
YOU: Three *Holds fingers up*
(where have we seen this before?)
ME: (demeanor immediately becomes slightly less pleasant) Alright it will be right this way *Brings you to table* Alright so will-
YOU: Can we get a booth
ME: Sir, there are currently no booths available if you'd like I ca-
YOU: I guess this will be fine, I'll have a Bud Light...


So yeah, I now have to get everybody's drink order at the table then I have to stop the server before they get to your table so you don't look at them like they're a complete idiot. I then have to get your drinks while I probably have people waiting at the front. I have to tell the server what you got so they can ring it in and I bring out your non-alcoholic drinks. You then look at me like I'm a dumbass and forgot your booze before I have a chance to tell you it's coming from the bar and YOUR SERVER will bring it out to you (even if it was ready, I can't legally bring it out to you because I'm underage)
A lot of the time, the server is the only person who can ring in your stuff because a host doesn't have a screen to order stuff or transfer tabs. Please don't order something from the person who seats you unless they prompt you.
What also goes along with that is, I don't take your payment. I don't know why a lot of people thrust their cards at me while I'm walking people to a table or why they come up to the host stand two seconds after they put their card in their book and ask if they pay me.
Do you see a fucking register up here? No. Do you see a credit card swipe up here? No. Again, a host doesn't have some magic power to tap into a server's open tables and make a payment, most of the time, only a manager can do that, sometimes the bartender. 
Morale of the story, order from your server, pay your server, follow the host, and be a better customer.

To Go Troubles

I'm back y'all!! I left my boring cow town to go to LA for a little while but now I'm back. I was excited to see my 2 pageviews while I was away. That's amazing! (Yeah, I'm pretty pathetic.) Today I would like to discuss a To Go's a little bit.

I would like to preface this discussion by saying that I absolutely HATE ToGo's. I work at a smallish restaurant and we have a couple of ToGo orders a night and they are taken by either the bartender or the host. As soon as I get done saying, "Hello, [insert restaurant name here][insert street name here] this is 'From The Sidestand,' How may I help you?" And I hear that it's a To Go I melt a little bit inside.
A lot of people don't realize that their phones suck because they're calling from a basement or something because I can never understand them. And then of course NOBODY establishes what they want to get before they call in so I'm forced to listen to stupid conversations where I'm not sure who you're talking to. And I'm just writing this stuff down and I will later go ring it up, but a lot of the time I have to put the phone down and go back because you wanted to know the price, while I understand why you would want to know, it's pretty annoying for me.
Let's not forget that I'm doing all of this while I have people angrily waiting in line while I'm chatting on the phone with you.
When your food is up I neatly place it in the box and put in the extra ranch you requested, I also give you some plastic utensils, salt and pepper. I mark the boxes so you know which well done burger is which.
When you arrive 10 minutes after I said you should, I'm normally in the middle of doing something but I make time for you because I'm just that prompt. I hand you the receipt and you hand me a credit card. (Good thing I ran back to see how much it was if you're just going to give me a card.) I then give you the receipt to sign and when you put that dash through the tip line I instantly start to cry.
Your annoying ass was in the back of my mind for a good half hour and you didn't tip me. I even wrote "enjoy :-)" on your fucking boxes because I'm so fucking awesome.
Even if you don't think I did enough to warrant a tip, I still NEED one.
You see, your To Go becomes a part of my sales and the United States Government automatically assumes that anyone in a restaurant who has sales must be getting a tip. They assume that I'm getting 10% and tax me as if I got a 10% tip whether you gave it to me or not.
That means if you had a $50 order and didn't tip, the government thinks I made 5 more dollars than I actually did, that shit adds up too. It's basically like saying, if you are claiming you made 1,000 more dollars then you'd have to pay higher taxes, higher taxes equals less money in my pocket.
Bottom line-Tip AT LEAST 10% on ToGo's